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And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. Luke 15:23-24 (KJV) There is nothing in the world that tests our character more than to say "I'm sorry". These words define our salvation and provide the groundwork by which relationships are built upon. Consider these words: "I'm sorry for the way I acted."
"I showed you no respect."
"What I did was wrong."
"I was inconsiderate towards you."
"I'm sorry for embarrassing you in front of your friends." 
One of the biggest fears in people’s lives is being vulnerable. Sometimes, the thought of having our sin exposed can cause more anxiety than the consequences of being controlled by that sinful nature.
We’re quick to rationalize our sins, and to even feel justified that what we did was the right thing to do. And if we did hurt someone and got around to apologizing, most of us do it out of pity or in the most superficial of ways. It’s easier for us to live with skeletons in the closet than to be up front and to apologize for our mistakes.
But what happens if we bring this kind of worldly thinking into our families? Can two completely different individuals come together to create a rich and intimate relationship like marriage work? Is it possible to create an empowering family culture, where communication is spontaneous, and where every member feels loved and cherished? What kind of family culture would we pass down to our children if we model such shallow values? If we focus on how others perceive us, on our position, or on being right, than apologizing will be one of the hardest things to do.
For a relationship to grow and mature, we must establish a level of trust through honesty and sincerity. This means that when we apologize, our apology must not only be sincere, it must also be perceived as being sincere. Apologies that are interpreted as insincere create suspicion and does more harm to the relationship than if we had not apologized in the first place.
I have learnt that for an apology to be sincere, I need to show respect to the individual as well as seek to understand what it was that I did wrong. Sometimes this may mean withholding my apologies, reflecting on my actions or getting a second opinion before I apologize.
I remember one day when I came out of the study room and saw our 18 month old daughter playing with some cups and spoons. She began putting the spoons onto a rug, mixing it together and making a swishing sound. I assumed that she had raided the drawers again, pulled out the utensils and that she was about to play with them.
Without thinking, I said "No! Stop that right now young lady!" and I immediately picked her up with one hand, and proceeded to put everything away with the other hand. My daughter immediately threw up a tantrum; she cried and kicked her legs wildly in the air.
My wife came out of the kitchen to see what was going on. When I told her what had happen, she smiled and said that the baby was probably trying to imitate the way she was cleaning the dishes. She explained that earlier in the day, our daughter had seen “mummy” washing the dishes and scrubbing the pots and pans. When my wife saw that our daughter wanted to imitate what mummy was doing, she gave her the spoons and cups for her to play with. Once my wife helped me to understand the situation, I immediately gave my daughter back her play things. I picked her up and apologized to her for thinking that she was been naughty, and for trying to take her toys away from her.
The thought did cross my mind about protecting my own ego. After all I am bigger and smarter, and most of the time I’m right. And besides, when was the last time you saw a grown man apologize to an 18 month old baby? But where would that kind of thinking and ego get me in the end? Is this the type of father that God himself exemplifies throughout scripture?
Since that time, I have come a long way in understanding what it means to sincerely apologize. Its one thing to make a mistake, but it's another thing to be insincere in our apologies, or to not admit it at all. People can easily forgive mistakes, because mistakes are a matter of mental misjudgments. But what people find difficult to forgive are the ill intentions and mistakes that come from the heart - the apologies that are insincere and that are borne from prideful justifications. Such apologies are shallow and lack sincerity and desire to try to truly understand and respect the individual. That’s why apologies are so hard. As the King James Bible puts it: “Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.” To sincerely apologize is to pay the uttermost farthing.
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